


How to become a vigilante in a city like New York (and how to stay one)

by Stargirltakingflight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crime Fighting, Gen, Karen is sick of being protected, Post-Iron Man 1, Vigilantism, during Avengers 1, sensible crimefighting with sensible and safe weapons, the avengers are amused and slightly scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 12:17:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16264034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stargirltakingflight/pseuds/Stargirltakingflight
Summary: Karen is 35, works in accounting, and is done being a damsel in distress every time supervillains decide to destroy New York. So she does something about it.





	How to become a vigilante in a city like New York (and how to stay one)

**Author's Note:**

> So a long time I was talking to [noahvsart](https://noahvsart.tumblr.com/) on tumblr about superheroes and we came up with the idea of Karen from accounting, as a joke at first. And now it's turned into this little thing right here!

Karen is five foot three and has the combined power of both her mother and grandmother on her side, who both taught her to take no shit, and to always make sure she was able to defend herself (yes that’s a direct quote, her family is great).

She wears pencil skirts and suits and her hair is tied up in an uptight bun most of the time. She’s tried out various defense classes available in her corner of New York already, so yes, she can Kick Ass.  
  
She’s five foot three full of whoop-ass and no one is gonna stand between her and some dumb aliens trying to destroy her city, not even a police car and some red tape.

 

She had first noticed that Something Was Wrong when a friend of hers sent her a shaky snapchat video of a weird looking thing in the sky over Stark Tower, and her terror filled voice as her friend realised there were other Things coming out of that thing. Karen turned on the news which, as always, wasn’t much of a help but then again, they never really were these days, not even when there wasn’t an immediate alien invasion to worry about.

 

Seeing as the world might be in danger of  ending, once again, Karen grabbed her purse in the one hand and her fresh coffee in the other and decided to make her way home.

 

On her way back she got to thinking about the early years, when superheroes and villains were just starting to surface and their world suddenly became much bigger and brighter. After that thing with Iron Man being revealed as Tony Stark and the subsequent and weirdly coincidental rise in superheroes, she had decided that she needed to be able to protect herself in case any of the villains who popped up as if in response to the rise of superheroes were to attack New York. Of course she already knew some self Defense moves, but with what was happening, she figured she’d need some other, more certain style of defense.

 

But see, walking around with a gun in her pocket hardly struck her as original and also seemed like quite the security hazard, a small child could steal and accidentally fire it, or so many other things could happen with guns if one wasn’t careful. There was a reason why gun control and mass shootings were such a huge problem in this country, and all the politicians in the pocket of the NRA didn’t help either.

 

No, Karen was sure that a flamethrower was clearly a better and by far safer alternative.

 

After having made that very sensible decision she bought a used flamethrower on eBay and practised by using it in her backyard. It had a good range, the perfect cross between a close range and a sniping weapon, and she was confident she could even kick some alien ass with it (in case that ever became necessary). And it also had the added perk of frightening her creepy neighbour who used to watch her from behind his blinds whenever she was in her backyard. That had stopped after her first practise unit.

 

What a weird coincidence it was, Karen mused on her way home, that the very first time she should use her flamethrower, it would be against the enemy she had so confidently announced her superiority of.

Turning the key and opening the door, she directly went towards the basement where she kept her flamethrower for safekeeping. After all she didn’t want somebody unsuspecting of its nature to accidentally use it.

 

Though, it being a neon green machine with the words “flame thrower” on it, that seemed very unlikely.

She went upstairs to change into a pair of normal jeans and a thin hoodie, because if she was actually going to go out and fight some aliens, there was bound to be some smoke from building damage or falling rubble. And she’d rather have something to protect her lungs with against that, thank you. Any New Yorker knew by now how to stay safe when caught up during a superhero-super villain showdown, since those happened quite frequently and rubble and smoke or dust related injuries were commonplace during those fights. At least for the civilians.

 

(The irony of her using a flamethrower while thinking about smoke related health issues was by no means lost on her.)

  


So the first time she met The Group, it was because they had heard there was a new vigilante around, equipped with a badly made flamethrower (seriously, how was that thing still functional??) and wearing a black oversized Hoodie and jeans, obscuring not only the face but also the gender, which resulted in just about everyone simply nicknaming the figure as the Hood.

 

This person has been running around New York with a flamethrower, being a vigilante and at one point the Avengers had to say okay, we have to check this out, this person either needs to stop this or has to start learning how to be a real vigilante (which does not involve shouting “Yipeee” while torching an alien).  
  
Meanwhile, Karen is having The Time Of Her Life.   
She never understood the appeal of superheroing but it’s So Much Fun.   
(Although, she thinks, she’s pretty sure  her neighbour think she’s crazy at this point, having become used to her random evil cackling while she practices with her flamethrower)   
  
So one day she’s out and about, scaring some robbers with her flamethrower and the Avengers arrive on scene.   
It goes about as badly as you’d think it would.   
  
Everything starts with the flamethrower. All the best stories do, though, so that’s not the problem.   
  
The problem is that Karen, in her fight-or-flight mode has begun to point her flamethrower at Captain America and is now in the process of slow cooking a Very Patriotic Beefcake Chicken™️.   
Once she realises what she’s doing, she immediately stops of course, but Iron Man has already started laughing and she can see a smirk on Black Widow and Hawkeye's faces too.   
  
“Sorry, Captain A, y’all kind of spooked me there for a moment. How can I help you?”, she says, trying to stay calm and nonchalant, because these are The Good Guys, and she just roasted their American eagle. Oh god, she was going to die, painfully.

 

Or not.  
  
Cap smiles at her, as his skin is apparently also slightly immune to fire because he doesn’t look hurt.

Like, at all.  
  
“No harm done, and really, it’s more about what we can do for you.”   
  
Iron Man chimes in, “Yeah arrow lookalike, we’ve got a job for you.”   
And even though the mask is on, Karen just _knows_ that he’s winking under it.   
  
She shrugs, puts down her flamethrower and says, with as much chill as she’s physically capable of in the face of actual mcfreakin superheroes, “Sure, let’s get down to business.”   
  


The first time she talks to them without disguise they are all shocked, because they did expect a lot, but this?   


A women in her thirties, wearing a pencil shirt and a big bag full of her workplace things, who doesn’t at all seem like the kind of person to recklessly endanger herself just to fight some thugs.   
Clearly they don’t know her that well, because if they did, they wouldn’t be wondering at all. Every single of her friends would believe in a heartbeat that Karen was walking around with a garish old flamethrower, because even though she took her job and her appearance there very seriously, under all that is a woman who would rather go out and roast a few aliens than be saved or protected by anyone else.

 

The avengers would learn that soon enough, but for now they remained confused and slightly surprised by how good her handling of that flamethrower looks, even though Tony is cringing the entire time and his fingers are twitching with the urge to build her a far better, and safer flamethrower. But for now they’ll leave her be, if only because they all have at least a slight respect and fear for their clothes, if nothing else, if they chose to actively try and make her stop.

 

Oblivious to those plans being discussed in the Avengers headquarter, Karen shrugs, ties her hair up and goes to work.  
She is an accountant after all.   


Superheroing is really only a part time job.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked this or would like to see more, please leave kudos and comments, they really make me want to write more, which also leads to more fanfic for you guys^^


End file.
